Trip to Lviv in 2013 December 29,2022

WQXR is playing Carmina Burna which I am listening to on my new Bose radio as I spend a few hours resting between fun events. This morning I shepherded seven other SAJ retirees to visit an art exhibit at the NYPL on Broadway and 113 St. We had lunch at a French-named restauant which had a Frenchified menu but only croque Madame and tuna Nicoise were at all French. The food was fine; we treated the artist. My watch recorded a round trip walk total of 9750 steps. Later Marilynn and I will have diner at Cafe Arte and attend a performance of Rigoletto at the Met.

The first time I heard Carmna Burano was in Italy with Bob or was it in Switzerland, sitting outside a church where the piece was played completey by percussion instruments. But today, I am remembering how my guide in Lviv who met me at the train station at 6:30 AM, drove me to a restauant, left me so he could do hs radio  broadcast, retrieved me and drove me all over the ocuntryside so i could trace my grandparents' escape from Poland through Ukraine. At 4:30, he said he had another show to do, so he purchased a ticket to the opera and I sat in this red velvet covered theater with gilded seats , gold tasseled curtain and heard a full orchestra playiing Carmina Burana.

The music has such an old world feel to it, it surprised me when the announcer stated it had been written in the 1930's. I love my Bose radio.AndSteve for caring for me enough to know what I wuold really appreciate for a lasting Bat Mitzvah present.

Post Pandemic Revelations December 16, 2022

Minor things, nothing profound here today, at least not yet. As I settle in to spending the winter in New York, I notice several changes in myself that remind me of the passage of time. The winter trousers in my closet are now too long. They are of denim strength cloth created before spandex was added to everything, permitting us to purchase smaller sizes, more form-fitting pants. I remember last time Madison Avenue( my shorthand for fashion pressure from manufacturers to increase our discontent with ourselves) wreaked havoc with me.

My friends were wearing Ann Fogarty dresses which were size 2. The girls were not midgets, but the sizing of the more expensive couture dresses was different! We all wanted to wear size 2 also, or maybe size 4. Certainly not 10 or 12, which my clothing  was. My shape had not changed!

So okay, my size 6 pants from long ago still fit, snugly, but the pants zip. Good for me. All are too long. I haven 't shrunk THAT much. So yesterday at the gym, I noticed a woman slipping out of a pair of clogs. Aha! We wore clogs, not sneakers. So this morning, I fetched my black clogs out of the bottom of my closet. I will wear them to shul this morning and see how that feels.

I am daily grateful to Steve for buying me a Bose radio this week. The music sounds SO good. So once again I realize things about myself.. I could have bought myself an Alexa, and "told" the electronic voice to "Play WQXR." But I resisted, like I am resisting a new air fryer. I have a feeling these new inventions are too self-indulgent. I recognize my privilege in life but I feel a bit uncomfortable adding new products. Also I fear always that I will not know how to operate them. As with my watch. A seatmate at the theater asked me to turn off the light my watch makes when I clap. Now I learned how to shut the watch off, how to do it, but last night I forgot to turn it on-- or off, as the case may be.

Why Do I Do What I Do? December 8,2022

Once again, my reason for choosing an activity varies from the established benefits. Generally, my health patterns fit the prescribed. I eat moderately, hardly ever drink alcohol, sleep well, walk a lot. I am at the gym every weekday morning. I take the classes offered at the time I want to be there. There's an exercise class on Mondays, using weights, good for upper body strength, which I am not quite interested in. I exercise to prevent upper arm flab from getting worse and for maintaining the strength I have. Generally, I am pretty strong. I can carry two heavy shopping bags full of food six or seven blocks. I also try to improve  my posture. I have rounded shoulders and my head tips forward of my torso. Although I do try, there is little I will be able to accomplish with the one hour exercise class each week. I would have to work out with the machines, which I don't do, mainly because I am afraid of hurting myself.

I dance because I love it. The instructor tells us to listen to our bodies. If something doesn't feel good, don't do it, try something else. I love the camaraderie of the dance classes. Folks smile; so do I.

Yoga class is a struggle for me. I cannot do some of the asanas and the instructor corrects our poses. "You will get better" is a sentence I don't believe any of us wants to hear. This is not pt. We are not rehabbing after surgery. Today we were advised that perfecting the asanas leads to mindfulness, the peace that yogis ascribe to reach.

My mind is present whatever I do. I just want to move and have fun.

I adore the teachers at the JCC. They are dedicated, professional, always learning something new to impart to us students. I feel as if I am four years old again, going through a stage of mild rebellion. 

I have struggled to feel good about myself. I have given up the fantasy of being able to control my children's lives. I cannot help them, except by giving them money. The stock market was good to us all for the past years, but not so much now. So my balances are dwindling and I need to reduce my withdrawals from capital so I will have enough money to care for myself as I age.

I have given up the prospect of foreign travel for several reasons, the financial being one of them. Loneliness is another. I feel lonely in a group of people who are connected to each other, but not to me. I have decided not to go to Chacala for the NIA retreat next year. It, too, is getting too expensive.

I am not retaining learned information as well as I used to. My Hebrew classes are on hold for the holiday and I am unsure if I want to continue them, although I enjoy them very much.

As you, my reader, can see, aging isn't always fun. But I really try to control my anticipatory anxiety and only worry about what is coming up soon.