Mood Lifters July 1,2022

After watching the House Internal Committtee on  the January 6 attempted coup on our government plus the outrageous rulings by a 6-3 Supreme Court, it was difficult to rejoice in our first female Black Justice taking the oath yesterday. It is difficult each day , even with the sunshine and warm weather to rejoice in nature, to feel the gratitude for good health and increasing stamina, to enjoy the studying I am doing in researchhing Noah and getting lost in the commentaries of the the first part of Genesis, Barashit.

My daughter's stepmother who had been sick for many years, causing Linda so much divided loyalty feelings added to her grief at losing another parent, died this week. My feelings were complicated. I want to be supportive of my daughter, but there is so little she can accept from me. I settled for sending a long email about how she needed to act as Power of Attorney and spoke only words of love .

I could only focus on getting to the gym, adding a yoga class each week to my two dance classes, and almost getting my 7500 steps in every day.

I, who have so much, drowned for a while in self pity, upset that my old friends are less available to go and do and my new friends have other, younger companions to spend time with. My peers with whom I volunteered last Friday packing food for the poor, bickered with each other which was not pleasant. One woman who was not there, told me by email afterward that she broke her back and was staying out of the city for a while to recover. I ws upset that I had not inviited Steve to come to the city to share my birthday and to share my reminiscences of Bob on today, his Yahrzeit, the death aniversary I commemorate each year. Seven years ago today and Steve was by his side, not me.

I thought I was past the stages of grief and mourning, but my mood  reflected my memories of the wonderful times we had, overwhelmed by his suffering and mine through his many years of Alzheimer's.

Where did the mood lifters come from? One friend invited me to dinner tonight. Another accepted my invite to spend time tomorrow. I purchased tickets to a play for next week and Naomi will have dinner and see another play with me on my birthday. I will not be alone.