Self Awareness November 17,2022

I was feeling good about myself this morning and most mornings lately. I am physically well; I have no aches or pains although I have reduced the amount of vitamins and minerals I take every day. Before the retreat in Mexico, I took eight supplements and vitamins daily, three of them twice each day. By intent, I decided not to take the second batch while on vacation, but I actually took the pills only four of the seven days. I will now take only the morning ones.

I generally leave my NIA class full of energy and vitality, but not today. I returned home tired, even though I had a good night's sleep.

What is bothering me? The weather is chilly, 39 degrees,but my clothing is keeping me warm, except perhaps for my face and I have ordered a knitted hat with a face warmer which will arrive next week to solve that problem.

One thing I do not have is a plan for the next three or four months of winter. Every year I have spent the winter in Arizona and that plan fell through this year. I can cope with that. What is really bothering me are the videos Dana posted from our Mar de Jade retreat this morning. I can see in the videos how I appear to others. Just like how surprised I was the first time I saw myself in Bloomingdales' mirrored escalator so many years ago. That was the day, the folks who hand out make up and perfume samples to folks boarding the escalator who, for the first time, instead of being annoyed by their intrusion, I felt bereft because they did   not offer  me any. I had become invisible as an older woman. The videos show me as I am, a woman many years older than the group members, bent over, arms not straight, slower. My full face look in the dance hall mirror does not reveal the slumped form I present to  others, from the side or from the back. The honest appraisal of myself will not hinder me; I will still dance and do everything I have always done, but it is making me feel tired today.